...on being 17

Well hurray, hurrah! Media outlets large and small have jubilantly announced that 17 year old Jamie Lynn Spears—sister of infamous train wreck Britany Spears—has just given birth. What’s more, she was given a 17 gun salute of sorts: Another story just broke about a group of school girls in Massachusetts who made a pact to get pregnant. 17 of them gleefully succeeded. Apparently most of the fathers are adults—one is allegedly a 24 year old homeless man.

Did somebody say, ‘statutory’? Ah yes! It’s times like these when parents and boyfriends alike are mighty glad they’re not a member of an unpopular religion. Why, if young Jamie Lynn’s family were FLDS instead of Southern Baptist, the state CPS might have stormed her parent’s mansion and hauled her off to a foster home on the other side of the state. Instead, she’s on the cover of People magazine and teeny-boppers everywhere are saying, "I gotta get me one a them."

And the 17 underage girls in Massachusetts? Well, they’re probably good Episcopalians, or at the very least Catholics. It’s all good—kids will be kids. And get knocked-up by homeless strangers. Hey, no harm, no cults, no foul.

As a side note, the response of these girls' high school was precious. The school wants more contraception in school. I don’t think they quite get the whole pregnancy pact thing. Unless these girls were stupid enough to be convinced that a condom would actually help them get pregnant, I don’t think they’d have gone that rout. After all, they want to be like Jamie Lynn!

The backdrop for all of this drama is, of course, the recent raid on the YFZ ranch near San Angelo, Texas, which unequivocally demonstrated that if you’re a pregnant 17 year old who’s a member of the FLDS church (or any of their siblings, or a 27 year old that looks like a 17 year old), things aren’t so rosy. Yes, you’ll also be on the cover of several magazines. But the pictures will show you and 450 other (mostly) minors being hauled away by men with badges and guns.

Of course, the difference is that the FLDS girls were coerced into a relationship and pressured into having babies. That’s obvious. No teenage girls would ever choose to marry an older man and have his baby. If they chose to get pregnant, that would be socially excusable (and very trendy). But that just wasn't the case for those polygamist girls. They didn't choose that--the very idea is preposterous! Why, that would be like a school girl choosing to get impregnated by a homeless m.....a home.....a.....

Well anyway, they’re in a cult, and cults are dangerous!